They Aren't Gay, Right?
by SoWrites
Summary: Sakura is certain that there is no way Sasuke and Naruto are gay...so why are they *indirectly* kissing in the movie theater? SasuNaru or NaruSasu. Author Note: If you squint, you'll see my reasons for SasuNaru.


The movie is not based on any movie I've seen and "Naruto" belongs to Masashi Kishimoto!

**Love on the Big Screen**

The hit horror movie "Phear" became a phenomenon the moment it hit the theater in Sasuke Uchiha's village. The genin didn't give a damn about whatever every ignorant villager was watching and rambling on about. The large crowd outside of the movie theater did nothing but block his route to his apartment. The screaming mob obnoxiously yelled out cries, insulting the ticket master's workmanship among other things. The longer the screams went, the dumber the insults were.

"Your soda sucks!"

"Your popcorn tastes like rubber!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON'T LET ME IN?!"

The last voice was the loudest out of all of them, and it was far too familiar. It was Sasuke's stupid team mate having an argument with the ticket master. Ready to beat Naruto up for causing a scene, he was interrupted by the other stupid team mate that worshipped him like he was Adonis.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke braced himself, for he heard the flirty tone she was using to address him. She usually used that tone right before-

"It's great to see you here! Now we can go see 'Phear' together! Like a…date?" she giggled.

Sasuke heard another loud yell and turned in time to see a cloud of street dust settling around Naruto, who was splayed on the ground face-up. Sasuke took off immediately, ignoring the yelp of disappointment from Sakura. She followed her crush until she saw the reason why he so coolly dismissed her. Seeing her male rival on the ground made Sakura flush and stamp her feet while she readied her fists. Her eyes sparkled; she was ready to see Sasuke yell in his beautiful voice at that total idiot. She was still emotionally hurting from the training she had witnessed earlier that day; the boys just had to look at each other before they both knew what they wanted to do, which was fight against each other and leave her all alone with her perverted sensei who did nothing but tell her to improve on her chakra control! She didn't want to practice chakra control; she was the best at it on her team, anyway! She wanted Sasuke's eyes on her, his focus on her; she wanted to see that beautiful smirk directed at her! But no, Naruto gets everything she wanted!

_It's not fair! Naruto is living my dream and getting the attention I want. What is he going to do with it anyway, it's not like he's in love with Sasuke- that would make him gay! Wait, I'm not saying Sasuke's gay, either! I'd be devastated if they were gay!_

"Naruto!" Sasuke crossed his arm and looked down at the orange-clad dolt. _Yeah, Sasuke! Let him have it! _Sakura mentally cheered.

"I told you to wait for me." Sasuke gracefully uncrossed his arms and reached down to grab Naruto's forearm. Naruto's wide eyes stared dumbly as he was pulled to his feet by the pale hand of his rival.

"I'm sorry, he's with me. I need three tickets, please." Sasuke stared straight into the eyes of the ticket master, who cringed back slightly at the coldness of the young teen.

"Absolutely, Uchiha-san; here's your tickets!" The ticket master tried to cool the burning glare, "And, for your trouble, I'll even sign a note so you can get free popcorn and 2 large sodas!" the ticket master slid the tickets and note through the hole in the glass. He breathed a sigh of relief when the intimidating raven nodded, grabbed the items, and motioned for Naruto and Sakura to follow him.

Sasuke held the door open for the others. Naruto refused to look at anything but his shoes until he was beside his rival. _Just do it, Naruto. Say it, get it over with. It's not like he would care, anyway, but that's no reason for you to be a bastard like him. _Naruto looked up and caught Sasuke's eyes for a split second before staring off to the side.

"Th-Thanks, Sasuke." Just saying the words had made his face flush and his brain fry. He felt his knees weaken when he thought, just for a second, that Sasuke had a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks. Naruto skittered into the cold theater entrance room.

Sakura skipped gleefully towards Sasuke, purposefully rubbing against his chest as she, too, walked through the door. Sasuke's eyes sent daggers at the pinkette. _If she would keep her hands off me, I'd be able to talk to her, at least! _Sakura turned back to thank Sasuke, batting her eyelashes and trying to push her bony hip out.

_Ugh! Why does he have to be perfect!? _Naruto's mind growled as it registered the sight of every female's gaze laying on Sasuke.

"So, what drinks are we getting, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, browsing the selection.

"The only soda I'll drink is Sprite." Sasuke looked at the rest of the sugary drinks in disdain. Sakura pouted while Inner Sakura had a hissy fit. She knew that she wouldn't be able to drink through the same straw as Sasuke. The lemon-lime drink gives her horrid hiccups, and she couldn't possibly embarrass herself like that! "I'll have a Cherry Coke, then. I'm… allergic to lemon-lime flavoring." Her voice dripped with disappointment.

Naruto groaned, and his team mates both looked at him with raised eyebrows. He gave a frustrated sigh before explaining himself. "Last time I drank Cherry Coke, I puked five times in two hours."

"Ew." Sakura grimaced before her face contorted into shock. Sasuke and Naruto were going to indirectly kiss! Sasuke nodded and explained to the pimply teen behind the counter what they needed and handed the note and tickets from the ticket master over to him. The teen handed them their free drinks and a bucket of popcorn. Naruto carried the popcorn while Sasuke and Sakura carried the huge drinks. "Second to last door on the right." He stammered as he handed back their ticket stubs. Sakura came to a late realization when they turned away from the snack counter; _why didn't I just get a drink that Naruto and I would share? Wait…ew. Why would I want to share a drink with that idiot right in front of Sasuke?!_

The three walked down the long hallway silently. Naruto was rushing in front of the others because he realized the same thing as Sakura; he was going to have his lips on a straw that Sasuke's lips will have touched. His spine tingled when he thought about it, and Naruto thought that meant it disgusted him.

They stayed quiet until Sakura insisted on talking to Sasuke once again.

"So, you like scary movies, Sasuke-kun?" She walked as close to him as possible, hoping that she would brush up against him. She would do anything to get him to at least look at her when she's talking, which he wasn't. She followed his line of sight and realized that he was staring straight at Naruto. And, without averting his gaze, he replied to her.

"Frankly, I hate them." He said flatly.

Sakura gave a small gasp, "What did you do all of this for, if you hate them so much?" she challenged flirtatiously.

"Naruto-"

"FOR NARUTO?!" Sakura screeched in disbelief, and Naruto spun around at the sound of his name. Sasuke wished he could burn a person with a glare as he glowered at his interrupter. That was not the kind of look she wanted to get, so she cowered away.

"Why did the ticket master not want to let you in, Naruto?"

Naruto sighed before explaining. "A few years ago, he wouldn't let me into a movie because I didn't have parents to take me. It was rated PG, but that jerk wouldn't let me in! So, I snuck out at night and spray-painted a stupid face over where his ugly mug was going to be. It was funny as hell because he couldn't get the paint off, but he still had to work. I watched him from the other side of the street all day, laughing my ass off. I guess he's held a grudge against me all this time." He didn't bother mentioning that it was probably also because of the demon he contained inside of him.

"You're so stupid, Naruto." Sakura scoffed at the blonde before she resumed staring at Sasuke.

"You passed the door, usuratonkachi." He pointed one thin finger at the door that had a monitor above it displaying the movie's title, "PHEAR", in a digital marquee. Naruto just grumbled in annoyance before he reached out to open the door and hold it open. Sakura scurried through first, making sure to not touch Naruto. Sasuke, being wider than the almost-anorexic girl, couldn't prevent his shoulder or his hip from brushing against Naruto's chest and what he hoped was the blonde's stomach; he figured it wasn't when he saw the deep blush that colored Naruto's cheeks. Sasuke chose to continue walking instead of showing any hint that he realized what he touched. The glow of the screen blanched away all the pink on his warm cheeks.

Sakura scanned the seats to find three that were together, and the only ones she could find were flanked by well-known Sasuke fan girls. Sasuke recognized them immediately because they were two of the most aggressive fan-girls he had. They would be groping him throughout the movie if he sat next to either one of them. He had to make a quick decision.

Naruto had to stifle a squeak when he felt rough hands grab his shoulders and push him into the aisle. He almost stumbled over the other movie goers' feet in the narrow space. Sakura followed behind, dumbstruck by Sasuke's willingness to touch Naruto.

"Don't fight me when I do this. You owe me." Sasuke whispered into Naruto's ear from behind, his warm breath tickling Naruto's sensitive ear. He didn't have time to question what Sasuke meant before he felt a hand on his waist that guided him into turning sideways so that he was facing the people in the chairs.

"A-ah?" Naruto choked out when he felt Sasuke slip behind him. It didn't take long to pass one of the obsessive fan-girls, but he felt like he was pressed against Sasuke's strong body for an eternity. His touch was burned into his skin, Naruto just knew it. There was no other reason for his tingling body to be on fire like it was.

Sasuke was not faring much better. Every nerve that felt the heat of Naruto's body sang with appreciation. He mentally swore when he felt himself subconsciously holding Naruto closer, and he let that anger out on the blond by pushing him in front of him forcefully once they were clear of the fan-girl. Naruto scrambled into the rocking theater seat and the others quickly followed suit.

The previews ended soon and the movie began with a woman running frantically through the woods, whimpering hysterically and flailing about until she tripped over a tree root. The shadowed monster bit into her stomach, ripping away her flesh and splattering the screen with blood which altered itself to say "Phear". All the girls in the room jumped and squealed when a grotesque zombie jumped into the picture and screamed bloody murder.

"Sakura, you're hurting me." Sasuke looked pointedly at his arm that was being squeezed to death by the girl's hands. Reluctantly, she let go, relishing the feeling of her fingers rubbing against his soft skin. When Sasuke still felt pressure, he looked to his right with wide eyes. Naruto began relaxing his hold on Sasuke when the scene changed to a calm scene in a big city, but he still had his tan arm intertwined with a pale one. He remained oblivious, and Sasuke was too shocked to tell him to let go.

Screaming had hurt his throat, Naruto realized, so he decided to take a sip of the soda to cool the pain.

_Would it be possible to suppress thirst for this entire movie?_

Sasuke asked himself, but he was swiftly proved wrong as he sucked in the cold air blasting out from the air conditioner vent above them. The air dried out his mouth and stung his throat. He couldn't put up with it for much longer. Sasuke bent slightly to take a drink, but he had to jump back as he felt Naruto wrench his arm away. Their eyes met, unreadable emotions swimming in their eyes. Sasuke broke the gaze to take a quick drink of Sprite. Naruto stared as soft- he knew they were soft through experience- lips surrounded the straw. He was entranced by the liquid travelling up the straw and disappearing into the awaiting mouth. The quiet _pop_ as Sasuke released the straw echoed in Naruto's ears as loud as a gunshot.

_An indirect kiss…_ they, including Sakura, simultaneously thought. All three of them squirmed in their seats and kept their eyes on the movie. Both boys stopped and stared every time one of them bent to take a drink, and Sakura felt a wave of jealousy whenever she saw Naruto tentatively sucking on the shared straw. _Does he have to do it so suggestively?_ Inner Sakura spat.

Scenes full of special-effects gore and death flashed by the screen. Each one elicited a screech from the girls…and Naruto. Sasuke found the movie deathly boring; none of the scenes shocked him and he thought the monster looked like a torn-up pig on acid. Also, all of the absolutely idiotic victims who screwed themselves over frustrated him to all hell. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who thought that the movie wasn't worth watching. Right in front of Naruto, a couple were passionately locking lips and lapping at each other with their busy tongues. Their hands tore through each other's short hair. When they parted and giggled, both Naruto and Sasuke were shocked to realize that it was two young men. They shyly watched as the lovers pulled each other close for another embrace.

"Faggots." a fat man growled at them; they parted immediately. Shocked eyes swirled with anger and hatred stared at the man. "Faggots." He spat at them again. "I'm surrounded by _faggots!"_

"Shut up, jack ass!" Naruto exploded, standing up angrily and fisting his hands. _Who does this guy think he is!_ The man turned in his chair to face Naruto. His squinty eyes were puffy, his lips were like swollen red worms, and his bulbous nose made him look like someone stuck a bumpy pickle on his face.

"Don't act like you weren't holding on to your boyfriend every chance you got, you _fag!"_

Next thing he knew, his lap was bathed in something bitterly cold. He stood up screeching like a banshee and flailed his thick arms in the air. The ice fell from his lap and splattered on the ground. Sasuke smirked, the cup and lid still in his hand.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so clumsy, it's almost like I'm not an Uchiha." Sasuke's voice dripped with satisfaction and amusement.

"I don't care who you are! You're nothing but a filthy, disgusting, _cocksucker!" f_

"_**Don't you DARE say ANYTHING about Sasuke!" **_

The man found himself on his back, his face being pummeled by the ferocious boy. Sakura screamed, and the gay couple cheered. Most people took up the cheering once they realized what was happening, and all Sasuke fan-girls were squealing.

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled while wrenching him off of the man by grabbing him around the waist. Naruto was pulled away, kicking and screaming threats.

"If you say ONE MORE THING, you're _dead! _How _dare_ you say that to Sasuke! You're the filthy and disgusting one, you worthless piece of _shit!_ A _billion_ of you would only be worth _a strand_ of Sasuke's hair!" Naruto spat out a constant string of curses when a few ushers came in to help carry the bloody jerk out of the theater and into an ambulance that a movie-goer called.

"You three," He pointed at Team Seven, "Please leave the theater. I'm sorry, Uchiha-san. You're welcome back any time; just learn to handle your friends better." Sasuke only shrugged.

"Thank you, guys!" The gay couple smiled at them cheerfully.

"Aren't they cute together, Chad?" giggled the uke. The tall seme smiled and nodded.

"We have to stick together, don't we? Gay people are treated horribly for no real reason. We deal with jerks like that guy every day, even if we're just holding hands in public! But don't be worried, you two seem plenty strong. You should feel free to show affection!"

"Um, thanks?" Naruto couldn't figure out what he was supposed to say. "Well, we're being kicked out, so…good luck?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, good luck with your relationship, too!" They waved and began to walk out of the movie theater, holding hands and snuggling each other.

"You two realize that everyone here thinks you two are gay now, right? Not just that; they think you're _dating each other_." Sakura pointed out, hoping that Sasuke hadn't realized. _Did they hide this from me? What's going on?_

"Um….er….we didn't find an opening to tell them that we're not together." Sasuke rushed through his words and strode towards the exit quickly. Naruto and Sakura stayed on his heels.

"Wait! What about being gay, you didn't mention that! Sasuke! You didn't mention that you two weren't gay!"

"I've never thought about it, Sakura!" he snapped, staying ahead of them.

"What's there to think about, Sasuke?" Sakura's voice began to rise; his ambiguous answers caused her to panic.

"Sakura," Naruto intervened, "In my opinion, everyone is born bisexual. You might as well define your sexuality by that until you're in a relationship."

"So, what does that make you, Naruto? Don't you have a crush on me?" Sakura challenged, grasping at straws. Naruto blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"I won't lie; I probably wouldn't recognize love even if it bit me in the ass. The thing with my crush for you is that it's not based in anything that I can actually point out. There's no real…um…" he searched for the word, "foundation for my feelings. In fact, if I say that I have a crush on you, then that must mean I'm madly in love with Sasuke." Sasuke turned back and stared incredulously at Naruto.

"Not that I am! But, I spend a lot of my time with Sasuke. To be honest, he does tend to come up in my thoughts a lot. If I had to choose one of you to be with me on a stranded island, I would pick Sasuke with no hesitation."

"Are you telling me you're in love with Sasuke?!" Sakura's knees were becoming weak. In her mind, Naruto's words replayed over and over, _I'm madly in love with Sasuke, madly in love with Sasuke…_

"Wait- that's not what I'm saying!" He took a breath and gathered his thoughts.

"Sasuke is…a lot of things to me, okay? He's my rival, my team mate, and he's my best friend. Sakura, you're my team mate, my voice of reason, and my best female friend!"

"I thought you hated each other!" She whined, not easily soothed.

"No, I don't hate Naruto." Sasuke composed himself and forced his mind to work properly, even when he wasn't exactly comfortable expressing himself.

"But if you _don't_ hate him, then how _do_ you feel about him?" She was worrying that her team mates were going to start dating and leave her completely alone.

"Naruto...is…" he shook his head and looked straight into Naruto's wide eyes. "Naruto, you are the only person who can bring out emotions in me that I haven't felt in years. Frankly, you understand me better than anyone else." Sasuke held eye contact with Naruto, but he had to look away before saying what he was about to say.

"I've already protected you with my life, haven't I?"

Naruto prevented himself from jumping Sasuke, but he couldn't prevent the happy tears that fell from his eyes.

"Usuratonkachi." Sasuke's eyes glinted playfully as he smirked at his best friend.

"Teme!" Naruto happily yelled before jumping his best friend. Sakura's eyes widened, but then she stepped back and sadly smiled.

_I'd live, even if they did want to be together…__**Wait**__! What am I saying! __**Sasuke and Naruto are not gay**__**….**_

Sakura took another look at the two embracing boys. Sasuke was rolling his eyes and softly smiling as Naruto cried into his blushing neck.

_**Er…I think?**_

**_*~*~*~*_**

Whoa! Thank you, everyone! I published this story last night and right now as I'm writing this I have 287 visitors from 39 different countries! And you wouldn't believe how happy I was that I had 3 readers from Japan- It's like one of my dreams has been fulfilled! Cyber Popcorn for the world! *~*~*~* !!! And extra cyber popcorn for anybody that reviews or checks out my big SasuNaruSasu project, Free Will.


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